It's Raining, It's Pouring...

It's raining, it's pouring,
Sitting in my basement is BORING.
I went to bed, I hope my head
Doesn't get wet from the roof being torn off of our house by a tornado...

Ha ha. Just Kidding. I hope.

So it's been a while since I"ve blogged, and I get that. So please, PLEASE, go easy on me.

If you haven't guessed by my twisted nursery rhyme at the top of the page, we are having a major blow out here in good old (insert-home-town-here). So, the first thing that comes to mind is madness. Obviously.

Ouuch, My Back....

You see, my mom and I are pretty laid back about storms. But my Grandmother (A.K.A. Crabby Jan) is simply a nervous wreck any time there is so much as a light misting. I don't know if it's because she's older and the weather affects her more, but if that's the case, then it affects her in quite a different way besides the usual achy joints.

HERE is the STORY:

About 10:00 pm this evening, I was rudely interrupted from my usual late night routine of watching crappy day-time television all night on www.hulu.com by a faint, far-away buzzing sound. So I carefully took the head phones from my noggin and caught the end of a frantic call from the top of the stairs... 

"...ows on your CAR rolled up???" said Crabby Jan.

In my inner eye I could see my beautiful, brand new (to me, anyway) harvest gold '77 Chevy Impala, whose name happens to be Deano. He looks kind of like this...

OR...

Like this...

OR, haha, Like this. (This is actually a '60)

Or I WISH like this, with the man on the car included...

But in all actuality looks more like this...

 

Which is JUST FINE WITH ME.

Anyway, that was a major tangent. Sorry about that. Where was I? Oh yes...

Crabby Jan had just yelled down that Deano's windows had better be up, because it was supposed to hail. So I assured her that yes, his window's were up and everything should be good to go...

And I went back to watching my hilariously stupid episode of MTV's Teen Wolf. (Do you agree with me? Stupid, Huh? Not only does it manage to rip off the name of another stupid (but immensely more entertaining, because it has Micheal J. Fox in it) film project, but it manages to take something as potentially entertaining as a werewolf hiding amongst us high school students, and turn it into a petty little angst-ridden power play to be popular. Typical.)

But not ten minutes later, and that droning buzzing noise comes back. I tear off my head phones and catch something along the lines of...

"...oming down, TAKE THE FLASHLIGHTS!!"

The melt-down has begun.

I climb out of my perfectly situated chair and scurry up the stairs to grab the extra flashlights and battery-operated radios from her arms, while she is right behind me, shoeing one of the dogs down the stairs while turning on every possible light conceivable on her way down. Naturally my mother is sleeping down here, and all of the light that has suddenly manifested itself rouses her from her deep slumber. She mumbles something to the effect of, "What the hell is going on?" while at the same time Crabby Jan it tittering about going back upstairs to retrieve her dithering pomeranian, Baby (A.K.A. Yappymodo).

I take in a deep breath. Exhale. A ghostly wail of, "BABY!! Get back here RIGHT NOW!" drifts to me from the upper level. I better do that again.

My mom mumbles something again to the effect of, "Would you go help her corral the monster so that I can get back to sleep? I have to work earrrrly in the morning, remember? Oh, and on your way, could you turn the lights off? I think it's compromising our lighting system."

Yes. That is exactly what she said. While half-asleep. I know, I can't believe that either. I mean, damn.

Anyway, I run up the stairs, grab my Kindle (I had just bought a book; there was no way I was going to let it get sucked up by a greedy tornado. If the tornado wants to read the book, it will just have to buy its own gollydarn copy. Geesh.) After that is taken care of, I think about running to my room to grab the Chinese Laundry boots that are stashed in the back of my closet for the summer, but decide against it when I hear another admonition of the furry demon I call Yappymodo. I trudge into the living room to find Yappymodo trapped under a coffee table by Crabby Jan, and I proverbally roll my eyes.

Not really wanting to get involved in the situation (mostly because I don't want to touch the furry thing), I asked as tentatively as possible, "Do you need help over there?"

Crabby Jan says, "No. But the cat got out. I think he's hiding somewhere under my bed..."

Great.

Now we'll never find him.

I figure that if a tornado comes and tears our roof off, the cat can just fend for himself. And also the basement door will be cracked, you know, just in case....

Finally, FINALLY, we are all downstairs, safe and sound (minus the cat). I can finally breath. Right?

Wrong.

Because once everyone is downstairs, it takes everyone about three hours to settle in. And the tornado warning is only for about an hour. Ha. I love my life.

So Crabby Jan tells Yappymodo that he BETTER NOT GO POTTY down here, since it's my mom's living space, and Yappymodo precedes to lift his leg on some sort of box, which he gets yelled at and swatted on the ass for by Crabby Jan, and then the other dog starts to wine and pace, because he can't stand thunder, and he almost knocks Crabby Jan and Yappymodo down into the pile of dog pee that was just created on the floor...

Oh, is that an ulcer I feel? Or just indigestion?

It would be pointless to go into more detail, so I'll just leave it at that. And I'll also say that the storm passed, and everyone went back to their respective spaces, and instead of finishing up that butt-gripping episode of Teen Wolf, I decided to write this instead.

Observation of the Day:

Is it me, or does there seem to be an awful lot of sex offenders in the state of Arkansas. Almost every person I've met or heard about from Arkansas has been molested as a child. Hm. Just some food for thought.

I will now leave you with this pointless, but oh-so-cute-I'm-just-gonna-sigh-my-HEART-out, video. Enjoy!