Mmmmm....

It's just delicious when summer roles around and you can set yourself to the task of doing absolutely nothing.

Take today, for instance. Would you like to read today's schedule?

1:00 am - Go to sleep after watching countless hours of daytime television from the first decade of this millennium.
9:36 am - Wake up rudely to a knocking at my door, and the demand from Crabby Jan for advice about two different tops she's thinking about wearing, but which she maybe shouldn't wear for her age, and definitely should not wear without a bra.
9:41 am - Roll over and go back to sleep.
11:56 am - Roll over. Try to ignore my bladder. My bladder keeps whining about its special and incessant needs. Throw the blanket off and waddle to the bathroom like a beached whale, making the same sort of noises on my way that a beached whale would possibly make if it were trying to mate... with a Bangladesh Tiger.
12:13 pm - Pop an English muffin in the toaster. Our toaster sucks. When the muffin pops, I push it down again. A third time. I put jam on it. Then eat it.
12:27 pm - 10:29 pm - Watch television on www.hulu.com from 2003. Television keeps declining in interesting content value, don't you think? I sure do. In between there I take time to raid and pillage our fridge

Oh NOOO!!! They've come to devour our wives and daughters!

and to find an appropriate screen saver for my computer, because I'm just tired at staring at Vladmir Putin's roguish face every time I log on.

My original screen saver...

After shuffling through many pictures (and replacing my Mom's screen saver with the one of Jensen Ackles on the impala from Supernatural that I had on my last blog entry), I had a few contenders for my new screen saver....

#1: A picture of a recently-mugged piggy bank to remind me of all of the money that I DON'T have

#2: A realistic representation of my life these days.

#3: So THAT'S where my shoes got to...

#4: I just like this one... Do you ever feel like putting your phone in a blender so that people will stop calling you? No? Oh. Just me, then.

#5: It's kind of like the French Revolution of Laundromats. And it also reminds me that I have a whole lot of laundry to do.

#6: See, I should be grateful for having a nice, functional piano in my living room and not a broken one way out in Scotland somewhere... Some kids aren't as fortunate. Maybe I should go write a song on the piano instead of look at this one on my computer screen, because some kids have NEITHER.

#7: It reminds me of good ol' England. Just kidding. I think it's kind of cute though... and depressing. Which is why I didn't pick this one for my screen saver.

#8: At least it's something interesting to look at...

#9: And so is this. Mmmmm. But it's a little bit racy for my tastes... I think the best part of this one (well, besides the OBVIOUS part) is what my mother would say if she walked past the computer and saw THIS pulled up on my screen. Imagine the look on her face. Or YOUR mother's face. Go ahead. Do it. Funny, isn't it?

#10: Where's Alexander Skarsgard? While this one is far less risque, it has a quality of "Where's Waldo?" to it.

So what am I left with? Nothing really. Sigh. I'll just go back to watching post-90's prime-time TV.

My Observation of the Day:
The Miss Universe competitions? A total rip-off. If it was truly a "Universe" contest, then they would be kind enough to invite the Martians to join in. Don't you think?

And if this is what it's like to be a "Fluorescent Adolescent," then I'm glad I'm neither radioactive, nor a light bulb.

That's all Folks.